There comes a time in every little Oztrayan orphan's life when they have to face facts and for Dan of Green Gables it has come all too soon on Prince Edward's island. What if my two Moms didn't really want me? What if PIE wasn't my real home? What if my being a boy was a problem and they might want to send me back to Oztraya? I was strolling around Charlottetown the other day when I happened across this place:
. Then a few paces down the Queen's street there was another place named "Anne of Green Gables chocolates". I suddenly come over all queasy and had to come back and go to bed. I covered my head with my doona and slipped my braids over my eyes and cried and cried and cried. What did Mom say when I arrived way back when? She said she was expecting a girl named Anne. What had they renamed my house in Cavendish? "Anne of Green Gables house". My heart sank. Maybe an orphan boy wasn't wanted after all and all them lovely PIE people were just being kind in welcoming Dan to the island. I was sad, I don't mind telling ya. I'd come a long way from Oztraya, got lost in London, England and a place called Niceland, which was very cold and had bubbling earth, and I'd left behind Martha and Tiggy and Maggie Alice and all the folk back home to make the journey here. Maybe I was just a silly deluded little boy who was just dreaming himself up a home. Maybe it was Anne that they wanted, not Dan. I cried, I snivelled a bit and ate some bluebeery muffin under the covers.
I rehearsed what I'd say to Mom: "I know I done wrong and I ain't Anne, whoever she is, but I love it here on PIE and I've made great new pals in The Nibbler, Tweet, Segway and the Silver Fox and I want to stay." When I got out of bed the next day I found that Isabel and Tasha, my new Moms in case you ain't been keeping up, had invited all the neighbours to a big party at a place called The Delta, which is like a big wide river mouth only with rooms and nice views over the harbour. They came from far away over the hills, must have trekked through fields and fields of potatoes to get here, some might have even come by boat. One lovely lady even said she came from a place called Bresil, which I never heard of but where they have the best parties and play football like gods. And guess what? I even met some folk who looked mighty familiar, there was the Backpacker, the Lothario, the Clever Businessman and his wife the Amazonian, and two lovely ladies named Pip and Donna who looked just like my benefactors from OZ, that had clubbed together to send me to PIE. I started feeling better and decided it was high time for a change of hair colour so that night under cover of dark I got to work. Out went the orange and on came a sort of pepper and salt colour. There was going to be a new Dan to show to the world. The next morning I woke up and wasn't so sure and when Mom saw me she freaked.
"Oh Dan, we love ya and we want you to stay", she said, "but when are you going to stop this nonsense?" "Anne is Anne and she is the real heroine of Prince Edward Island and she was created by one of Canada's favourite authors, JM Montgomery and it's PEI not PIE as you keep calling it and finally you misused the word contentious to describe The Nibbler, what you meant was conscientious." I slunk under the covers. What had I done? Apparently a lot of our neighbours, particularly those from Japan, were not amused. They wanted answers and they wanted them quick. What was I doing here and how dare I pretend to be even in the same league as their beloved Anne of Green Gables, who apparently had a fierce temper? I had to think fast and come up with some answers if they weren't going to throw me off the island.
I rehearsed what I'd say to Mom: "I know I done wrong and I ain't Anne, whoever she is, but I love it here on PIE and I've made great new pals in The Nibbler, Tweet, Segway and the Silver Fox and I want to stay." When I got out of bed the next day I found that Isabel and Tasha, my new Moms in case you ain't been keeping up, had invited all the neighbours to a big party at a place called The Delta, which is like a big wide river mouth only with rooms and nice views over the harbour. They came from far away over the hills, must have trekked through fields and fields of potatoes to get here, some might have even come by boat. One lovely lady even said she came from a place called Bresil, which I never heard of but where they have the best parties and play football like gods. And guess what? I even met some folk who looked mighty familiar, there was the Backpacker, the Lothario, the Clever Businessman and his wife the Amazonian, and two lovely ladies named Pip and Donna who looked just like my benefactors from OZ, that had clubbed together to send me to PIE. I started feeling better and decided it was high time for a change of hair colour so that night under cover of dark I got to work. Out went the orange and on came a sort of pepper and salt colour. There was going to be a new Dan to show to the world. The next morning I woke up and wasn't so sure and when Mom saw me she freaked. 
No comments:
Post a Comment